It would appear that Michael has left. He didn't say goodbye or why he was leaving. All I know is that haven't heard from him in a week.

Me (1:30:04 AM): Purposeful reframing/change of topic - I think that everyone has what I term "sterling moments", moments that everything just comes together right.
Michael (1:30:20 AM): synchronicity
Michael (1:31:50 AM): Tell me yours
Michael (1:31:58 AM): if they are positive
Me (1:32:11 AM): Sterling moments are always positive.
Me (1:32:27 AM): *thinks*
Me (1:33:37 AM): Ooooh - when I got up in front of my whole [high school, when I was a Junior] and gave a speech, from memory, and I didn't screw up. I was *chosen* - one of five - to do this.
Michael (1:33:57 AM): That's more like it! **Hugs**
Me (1:35:16 AM): When.... When I felt really pretty the night of the [Society for Creative Anachronism's] Mindwinter's Masquerade up in Ashland [Oregon], in that gorgeous dress, after almost getting frostbite (not used to snow).... [I was a martial for a battle between the King and another warrior.... kinda cool - I noticed that the King's armor (at his knee) was fraying, and stopped the fight..... The King seemed impressed/grateful. But I was standing around in wet snow in my suede boots, and my toes ended up turning blue. I really had no idea what this even *meant* - I remember asking, "Is it bad if you can't feel your feet?" I was emphatically told "YES!" and shooed inside to change.]
Michael (1:35:33 AM): Yay!
Michael (1:35:41 AM): **Double hugs**
Me (1:36:10 AM): And Tim[othy McDaniels, the then-master-at-arms of Glyn Dwfyn, in the kingdom of AnTir] (a guy I had a major crush on) came up to me and said he'd been an idiot for turning me down when I flirted with him, because I was the most beauteous lady there.... And he wasn't the only one who made a comment, but he *was* the only one who went down on one knee. [Gods, that was a beautiful dress.... pink and blue brocade, with a slight train, slit sleeves, etc...]
Michael (1:36:57 AM): *Triple hugs**
Me (1:37:04 AM): When Jerry asked me to be his TA, the youngest in the history of Evergreen Valley College.
Me (1:37:22 AM): The night of the ABC concert in 1999 [October 19 - wow - coming up on ten years ago]!
Me (1:37:32 AM): When Ben got me to hug the tour bus!
Me (1:37:42 AM): (I've got that picture somewhere....)
Me (1:40:18 AM): *laughs and quotes Ben and herself* "Hug the bus!" 'I am *NOT* going to hug the fkin' tour bus' "C'mon, hug the bus..." 'NO!' "HUG THE BUS!!!" *So I gave in and hugged the bus*
Me (1:40:26 AM): The moment I realized I was in love with you.
Michael (1:40:45 AM): Wow! You are on a roll
Me (1:41:31 AM): Earlier moments.... the day Daddy adopted me, and then we [played hooky and] went and saw Superman in the theatre.
Me (1:41:45 AM): My parents' wedding.
Me (1:42:12 AM): Time spent in Spain, Portugal, and Gibraltar.
Michael (1:43:19 AM): That's the kind of stuff I want to hear
Me (1:43:21 AM): My second first kiss was kinda nifty, too. The rest of the day sucked, but that kiss was nice.
Me (1:45:55 AM): The moment I realized I was in love with you. <3 (Yes, I know I already said it, but... It's still true)

*is totally cracking up about the "HUG THE BUS!" thing* :)

I've been talking a lot lately about some really sucky things, so.... time for some good news, I think. :)

I'm head-over-heels-in-mad-passionate-lust-and-love. His name's Michael, we've been 'seeing' each other for six weeks (he'd argue four, as he was gone for two of them, but... I count those)... he lives nearby (south, I suspect in the South Bay), and I further suspect that we'll meet soon (I'm thinking maybe next weekend)....

He's 6'6", weighs 220, is *adorable* (just finally saw a picture of him today, and, phew! What a cutie! *So* good-looking, as well as wonderful in less physical ways) - black Irish coloration (black hair, deep blue eyes, pale skin), half-Irish, half-Welsh.... *bites her lower lip, the way she does when thinking* Gods.... Oh! and he's unattached! Yay!

He's *smart*, has an eidetic memory (lucky guy), is funny, is kind and tender and sweet.... Likes to joke that he sounds 'slow' because of the depth and timbre of his voice (well, when you're 6'6", you have a *lot* of room to reverberate, vocally).

The biggest problem I've seen (so far) is that it's impossible for me to talk about my suicidal feelings when I get them, because he has the same abandonment issues I do. So when I'm feeling really bad, it's hard for me to confess this, because he gets worried that I'm going to leave, and that makes me just want to hold him and let him know that I'm not going anywhere, not really, I just need to talk (sometimes) about the crap that's swilling around in my head.

[Oh, and I've lost a lot of weight, totally unrelated to the whole Michael thing. I'm actually below 200 for the first time in coming up on 16-17 years! Amazing. Cool. Pretty fkin' awesome, actually. One of the few things that abject poverty is good for, I guess, is that it lets you lose weight, if you don't succumb to the meat-and-corn-syrup diets that so many (po') people subsist on. {In re: the "po'" comment - I've been joking that I'm "so po' I can't even afford the last two letters of the word!" :)}]

Anyway.... :) I'm happy about him. About the way I feel about him. About the possibilities, the actualities; all the variables, known and unknown.

P.S. - he's totally open to me babbling on about nothing, too, which is extremely nice of him. :) And, since he's got an eidetic memory, he actually *remembers* the crap I babble about, instead of disregarding it, which is really kind of lovely. :)

Another door slammed in my face.

This time by my ex-boyfriend (or, more specifically his roommate), who has suddenly decided that, despite his earlier invitation, I'm no longer welcome to stay with him.

It goes like this - his (female) roommate (they're not involved) doesn't like me much, having heard only *his* half of the break-up saga. I'm certain she never heard about the fact that I waited three years for him to decide that he wasn't going to move to California (our only reason for gettng involved LDR in the first place - he wanted to move out here), and *then* didn't even tell me that he'd made up his mind, just left the dragging out of time tell me. I'm sure she didn't hear that I even gave him an extra year and a half to come out and tell me.... and I'm *ultra* sure that she never heard about the way he lost his virginity [Me, trying desperately to recapture *some* feeling of intimacy between us, offering to make love to him; him: "Well, I don't know when I'll have another chance to lose my virginity...." Dennis, you silver-tongued devil, you... :P]

No, I'm sure she just heard that I became very bitter at the end about having 'wasted' three years of my life waiting around for this man who was never going to do what he said he wanted to in the first place. And I admit, I *did* become bitter, did say some things I rather wish I hadn't. Impotent rage will make you do stupid things.

Oh... and I'm *positive* that she never heard about how he'd kept this lovely log where he introduced me to his 'friend'... OK, in theory, to whom he whispered how stupid I was for believing him? About how naive I must be? What an idiot I must surely be, to be taking this at face value.... [All I'd wanted to do was to go to bed - I'd gotten an injection of demerol, and needed to sleep it off....] Once I actually was gone, the slagging off of my character ensued, and discussion of reproduction (my deepest fear - that the man I cared for would leave me, because I didn't want kids) started. Upon reading all this, I became so angry that a blood vessel in my sinuses popped. VERY sexy..... If it hadn't been 3 AM, and had had money to go to the airport, I'd've been on a return flight before he got home from work.

Anyway, the fact that Dennis and I have made up and are now friends, or, at least, friendly, should tell you that *we're* mature (or whatever) enough to put it behind us. Apparently, his roommate, whoever she is, is not so.

So, once again, PLEASE, your honor, get back to me with good news, because I cannot possibly survive on the street... I'll die, and that's no way to get on with your life.

.... You can find (sometimes little, sometimes *very* little) things to make you laugh. Take this little tidbit as a sterling example, gleaned as it was from a conversation with my (most recent) ex (boyfriend) [Patrick, for those whose short-term memories are as bad as mine....], this morning:

Patrick (10:39:26 AM): you have a boyfriend
Me, AIM-Style (10:39:49 AM): I *maybe*, possibly, PERHAPS have a boyfriend.
Patrick (10:40:13 AM): your cute
Me, AIM-Style (10:40:13 AM): I have feelings that are definitely skewing to that direction, but....
Me, AIM-Style (10:40:30 AM): Who knows what he feels?
Me, AIM-Style (10:41:06 AM): Hell, I'm not sure where he is just now, though that is likely to be my own damned fault, even if it's an accident.
Patrick (10:41:42 AM): you and your secretive men
Me, AIM-Style (10:43:58 AM): *grumbles under her breath* At least I get where he's coming from.
Me, AIM-Style (10:44:28 AM): I never quite understood the... pardon my inexact use of the term.... paranoia you exhibited.
Patrick (10:44:40 AM): how are his whereabouts your fault
Me, AIM-Style (10:44:58 AM): His whereabouts aren't. The fact that I can't remember them is.
Patrick (10:45:40 AM): thats adorable
Me, AIM-Style(10:45:54 AM): Adorable? How so, adorable?
Patrick (10:47:02 AM): your memory
Me, AIM-Style (10:47:18 AM): My memory bites rabid bats, then bites me in return.
Me, AIM-Style (10:47:39 AM): .... probably stopping to vector off three or four dozen times in between.
Patrick (10:48:41 AM): O:)
Me, AIM-Style (10:48:55 AM): Glad you enjoyed that.
Me, AIM-Style (10:49:05 AM): I was rather proud of it myself.

That I *really* wanna go to LA in late October?

Vatos (Johnny Hernandez, of Oingo Boingo fame) and many of the other former bandmates get together and do a "Tribute to Halloween", including a bunch of Boingo Songs, Halloween-themed songs, and some Danny Elfman score-type material.

*sighs*

This may be the last year they do it, so this is sort of like 1999's ABC concert for me.

Paul? You in? Let's do it! I regret not going with you in '95 to see Farewell, and I know Danny won't be there (Bear McCreary's son, Bt4 does the lyrics), but..... We can talk about my tattoo before I get it, that way. :) And you can even play KGWAR (All GWAR, all the time!) in the car. :) [Paul, my once-upon-a-time next door neighbor, used to threaten me with KGWAR if I got too loud :) I'm not even to mention the "There is no Stef, only ZUUL!!!" comment he left on my computer while I was in the shower, much to the chagrin (and probably confusion) of my then-long-distance boyfriend, Dennis]

Wow, there's a lot of stuff going on in my life. ( Cut for brevity, and for content. )

Yesterday, I was going to my therapist's, sitting at a bus stop outside Hillsdale Mall, and there was a bus sitting there, idling. I would've asked the driver if the bus was going to be the bus I needed, but he was in the back, apparently asleep. So I sat down at the stop, and waited.

Well, five minutes later, the bus starts up, and without checking to see if anyone at the stop needed him, he took off. (The bus was in such a position that I couldn't see either of the electric signs that explain which bus it is.) So I took off after the bus. Stupid, I know, but the bus was at a stop light, so I thought I *might* be able to get to the next stop before he did.

Ha! I tripped on a raised paving stone, fell, rolled into the street, and was hit (lightly) - really more like tapped - by a "big, white whale of a car". That's the best description anyone could give. Anyway, I got up, staggered to the sidewalk, whereupon two sweet ladies pulled over, checked me over, then took me to my therapist, who insisted I go to the hospital to be checked out. They kept me overnight, and I'm fine, but I have a bit of road rash, and my back bloody well hurts.

I inadvertantly dropped my phone in hot water (literally) and, thus, erased all my numbers. So if you know me, know I know your phone number, please call me back and give it to me again, because I suck. ;)

I just discovered that David Tennant and John Barrowman are going to be at ComicCon this year, and I wanna go! I mean, what a trip! I could meet Tycho and Gabe from Penny Arcade, the guys from Jump Leads (sort of Red Dwarf, only in comic strip form) *and* The Doctor and Captain Jack, all at the same place!

Who wants to take me? ;)

Seriously, though, Morgan's mom tends to go to ComicCon, so maybe I can get David Tennant's autograph, anyway.

And, AND.... July 11th is coming up kinda quickly. :) I'm looking *so* forward to it. ABC again, this time with Berlin, Cutting Crew, &c. as opening acts.