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Ye gods, it's been quite a long time since I posted something. I know, I know, I say that all too often. But, really.....

I spent the last year living in various unpleasant-ish (or, at least, psycho-social rehab-type) places... First three months were spent at Redwood House, a crisis-house, following eight months were spent at Hawthorne House, a "step-down" house... and then this last month I spent in a homeless shelter. I think it's obvious as well as understandable that the shelter was my least favorite of the three places to live.

I finally found a house-sharing circumstance, though... "Huzzah and hurrah!" as Hugh Laurie's character George in Blackadder Goes Forth would triumphantly crow.
DAVID TENNANT TO PLAY IN MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING!!! Opposite Catherine Tate. OOoooh.... I hope they film it!
The fire leaps high,
Dancing and spinning,
Shading from deep red to electric blue
Her phoenix soul draws you in
Until you can no longer resist -
Dancing and spinning,
Leaping with Her flames.

- inspiration by "Firebird's Child" by S.J. Tucker
I'm sitting at my favorite local cafe, sitting at the Doctor Who (Ten, of course!) gaming table, drinking my usual (white chocolate with caramel).... I <3 this table!!! I want it. :) [Will include pics soon.]
I can't believe it, but, wow, what a rush! I think the letter turned out really well, too - I think I'm even a little proud of it. :)

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I'm sitting here feeling like a little girl ready to write a letter to Santa Claus - I'm finally going to email David Tennant and get it into his Christmas book! :) I feel slightly giddy - I know, I'm being a total fangirl - but my words are actually going to be read by him! "This is the very ecstasy of love", or at least of intense infatuation and respect and admiration. :)
I crack up every time I see this title, but it's kind of contextless this way, so, from a friend's journal: "Because 27 is not quite over the hill, there are plenty of things that someone that age will still find enjoyable."

And now my full response:


I'm gobsmacked. I really am. I'm bloody 11 years older than that!!! I suppose they expect me to wave my cane randomly and irritably at people and yell, "HEY! You kids get off my lawn!" Luckily, I already have a cane.;) Sadly, I lack a lawn. :)
I have a Netbook! In fact, I'm posting from my friend Ryan's house! Ian't technology wonderful?!?

Have a happy and safe Thanksgiving, everyone!

- Love,

- Stef
*comes along and picks up her journal, blowing the couple months' accumulated dust off of it before opening it to the first empty page*

OK, now that I've got that bit of whimsy out of my head.... :)

WARNING: This post may or may not include stuff that I've already written about. I can't be bothered (or "arsed", as the Brits say) to go back and look and see if I wrote about any of this before.

Things are... kinda OK right now. I've got a roof over my head, access to endless amounts of food (thus the corresponding weight-gain.... after months of ramen meals, my body is gratefully accepting all the calories I can give it...) Not that I'm overeating, mind, just trying to eat healthily. Which is why I'm not freaking out about the weight-gain. My grandmother's doing enough of that for both of us. (Why, oh WHY is this woman not dead yet?!? Jesus Christ on a pogo stick, she's had endless chances.... I should've just.... well, nevermind... ;)) Actually, I should be grateful she's still alive - she's going to pay to have my teeth fixed (which *BADLY* need fixing.... I did a faceplant [literally] out in front of Hillsdale mall, and ended up breaking or at least scratching the hell out of several of my front teeth, which have cavities from hell in them now), but enough about her. *I'm* comfortable at the weight I'm at, more or less.

blackdjinn is back in my life (not frequently enough for this girl's taste, but still and all, beggars can't be choosers) after a..... [let's see.... I was living with Morgan, Monica had been bade adieu, I'd *just* gotten into Oingo Boingo in a big way.... ah, *there* it is....] five year absence. His reasoning for being gone is very understandable, but I'd still like to take some of my ire out on the person who made him feel like he was worthless and no-one cared about him and.... well, made him feel like *me*, essentially. He's been a wonderful friend to me for 12 years (and, believe me, when we got back together that first time after the five-year-hiatus, it felt like no time had elapsed at all).

His (other???? < indicating much uncertainty about the state of our relationship) girlfriend, Rebecca (hell, I call her Bex half the time - another Anglocism run amok)... It's kind of a weird triad we make - Bex is down in LA-la-land, Ryan's in Santa Cruz and I'm in Redwood City. (*waves hi to Phil, if he's reading this - We're practically next-door-neighbors now!*) Ooooh... (distracted by something "pretty") I get to see Ryan on Wednesday! Yay! I also get to get my other tragus pierced on Wednesday.

Oh. Yeah. I've made a couple of changes in my appearance lately - I got my hair cut again (after about three years), so it's back to my preferred length and style - chin-length bob - and I've got two new piercings - I finally got a second piercing in my left ear, and I got a tragus piercing in my right ear, soon to be joined by a matching one on Wednesday. Once they heal up, I'm going to put "nose bone"-style earrings (well, they're not intended to be *ear*rings, but you know what I mean - they look pretty much like normal earrings except that the end is flared, to keep the ring in place) in the holes, just little rhinestones. :)

So what, you may be asking yourself, is the inspiration for these changes? I'm sort of trying to figure out who I am, because I'm *DONE* being the universe's punching bag. Or it would be better to say that I've decided that I'm NOT going to be anyone's victim any longer. I am 38-year-old woman, and I'm finally learning how to be my own person. I haven't quite figured who I am, yet, beyond a few facts:

    1. I'm a good person, compassionate and generous.
    2. I'm quite intelligent, easily the match of most people.
    3. I'm a multi-faceted geek - English (and particularly Shakespeare), computers, gaming (role-playing, computer, console, table-top, chess, etc.), music (appreciation), science (particularly biology).... oh, dear, there's more geekery here than I'd realized.... science fiction (Dr. Who, anyone? ;) Mostly Peter Davison's and David Tennant's interpretations of the role... wait, reverse those to put them in order of preference), Strowlers (look it up - you think I'm here to explain all of my unusual interests for you? ;)).... I think I'll leave my other geeky interests here as a simple &c. If you want to know something else specific, ask. :)
    4. I have lots of different feelings (including some "bad" ones), and that's a good thing. It's a) normal and b) healthy to have all the feelings that I do, and to express them. It is, however, *NOT* OK to express them in a manner that will be harmful to others.
    5. I am creative.
    6. I am funny, though not always on purpose. :)

    EDIT: *glances at the time* Drat. I have to go get ready for my physical therapist's appointment. I'll have to continue this entry later. And I promise I will do so today. :)

    EDIT: I *hate* splitting my entries in twain. Grrrr. I was on *such* a roll! I finished what I was saying for that moment, but I don't remember where I was going after I finished... Well, since I can't... I'll either add when I can think of where I was going, or post something new if I come up with something else. ;) Oh! I've thought of something else to say. :)

    The title's reference to "Wonderland" is a reference to a song by S.J. Tucker (s00j), Cheshire Kitten:
    We're all mad here.... and it's OK.
A Fish Tale

I find myself in the mind of remembering the last time I went fishin'. I was 16-years-old, and me and Grandfather and my Uncle Russ decided to see what we could reel in. I'm not talking about ocean fishing or even Great Lake fishing - I'm talking about a little, murky, mucky lake (prob'ly di'n't even have a name) in Michigan.

The boat we used was just this li'l piece o' junk aluminum with spiders crawlin' all over it. I *hate* spiders. But that di'n't seem to bother Grandfather or Russ none - they just told me to brush 'em off. I shuddered right down to the soles of my shoes. Ew. Brush 'em off? OK, gimme a broom or somethin' so's I can do the job right. But, spiders or no, we set out in this little POS (that stands for piece o' shit, pardon my language, for those who don't know) boat for the middle, more or less, of this little lake, and set our bait and started castin'.

An' it's funny, but all we caught that night was this damn' snapping turtle who had a taste for the minnows we was usin' for bait. Stupid turtle - every time we tried to remove the hooks, he would go for our fingers, so we had to cut the lines and leave the hooks in. By the time we called it a night that turtle had no fewer than five hooks in his flippers, I swear to god!

The only reason we kept fishin' (or tryin' to) was 'cos we would see this big fish jump or almost surface right next to the boat, temptin' us to keep tryin'. An', actually, I *did* hook that sumbitch, only to lose him in the reeds that we were anchored next to. But, of course, while we were in the boat, Grandfather and Russ kept egging me on, telling me what a catch it'd be if I could just hook it, telling me how big it was; but when we got home, *of course* they made it sound like it was no bigger'n a sunny or a bluegill.

I don't think I'll ever go fishin' again, neither, because that was something that Grandfather and I used to do. And now that he's gone, I just can't imagine settin' bait and castin' with anyone else. But I'm glad that I had those times with him. Maybe next time I'll tell you about the time there was a rattler in our fishin' area, an' how skeered he got. I never thought I'd see Grandfather skeered, but it turns out he feels about snakes the way I do about spiders.

Requiescat en pace, Grandfather - believe it or not, I miss and love you very, very much.

(c) musecalliopeia's author, 9/25/2010