The Fair-Voiced One ([info]musecalliopeia) wrote,
@ 2009-06-17 23:20:00
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Current mood: surprised
Current music:various Boingo

I just had a rather surreal conversation with my grandmother. Especially considering how she raked me over the coals at my 'birthday party'.....

She sent me an email today saying, "I am sending this to you, and be sure to read to the end where they talk about Migraines, and what has helped some people.
How are you doing? I haven't heard from you lately. I know you are having to endure, but you know what they say, "When you're going through hell, just keep going." I love you. Grandmother"

*puts on "Only Makes Me Laugh" by Oingo Boingo* I love this song, and when I'm feeling particularly bad about my situation, it sort of cheers me up. Anyway...

She told me that a) she thought that it was wonderful that I still had my sense of humor ("Aside from the chronic migraine, the back pain, the leg pain and partial hemiparesis, my depression, [at which point, I started to laugh] the PTSD, the OCD, and the generalized anxiety disorder, I'm doing great!") b) she told me that she thought I was really strong, maybe even stronger than I am aware, and c) she said that she was "proud of me" for how well I was doing. Doing well? Well, I'm still here, so I guess.... but I really feel that all I'm doing right now is waiting, trying to survive until I can see the doctor - I see the psychiatrist on the 26th, and the primary care physician on the 30th. And that's before I can get into the pain clinic and start remedicating myself - hopefully the PCP will prescribe *something* for my pain until I can get into the clinic.

*smiles as "Happy" spins up on iTunes* This song cheers me up, too. "I read the paper, I saw the news - all those people are excited, why don't they just relax? All they gotta do is kick back, kick back and be happy - happy, happy that the whole world is ready to blow. I'm happy that I made it through another day, that when I pick up the phone, I still remember what to say, I'm happy that my brain still lives inside my head, but most of all, I think I'm happy that I ain't dead...."

Anyway, I'm just kinda shocked that my grandmother said so many positive things about me. It's a rare thing, y'know?




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[info]xhardtoimaginex
2009-06-18 10:33 am UTC (link)
That's really nice :) My Grandfather died a while ago, but he was one of the most distant SOB ever. I don't think that he ever got over the fact that I was a girl - even the birthday cards were signed 'Yours Sincerely'!

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[info]musecalliopeia
2009-06-18 10:58 pm UTC (link)
My grandfather died a while ago, too, and the most intimate thing he could bear to say to me was a passing "love you, kiddo", unless he was drunk, at which point he got positively overflowing with expressions of his love, which was *weird*. *hugs* Sorry that your grandfather was cold. :( I think you're really cool!

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[info]xhardtoimaginex
2009-06-18 11:07 pm UTC (link)
Thanks :) It was a shame as my other Grandad died when I was a baby and I would have loved to have had a 'proper' Grandfather, but it wasn't meant to be. In the end when he died, neither my sister or I felt much - that is the saddest thing of all.

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[info]musecalliopeia
2009-06-18 11:15 pm UTC (link)
That *is* sad. I know that it's comforted me in my grief when I've seen how other people have been affected by grief, too, y'know? So not feeling grief when you lose someone who should have been 'a loved one' *is* sad. I'm so sorry for your loss - the loss of the love you should have had, sweetie.

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[info]raavyn
2009-06-18 04:00 pm UTC (link)
I'm glad she had good things to say! You deserve to hear nothing but that. :)

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[info]musecalliopeia
2009-06-18 10:58 pm UTC (link)
Thanks, doll. :)

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[info]phillipalden
2009-06-18 07:51 pm UTC (link)
That is unusual for your grandmother. Too bad she's a raving lunatic 95% of the time.

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[info]musecalliopeia
2009-06-18 11:02 pm UTC (link)
I know! She really is insane! All the negative shit I've had to put up with from her over the years.... Do you know that until the bus incident (where I was spat upon by several people) she thought that I was exaggerating how bad things were in 8th grade? *shakes her head*

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